The Truthful Conversation
June 9, 2022
The woman left her water jar beside the well and ran back to the village, telling everyone, “Come and see a man who told me everything I ever did! Could he be the Messiah?” So the people came streaming from the village to see him. John 4:28-30 NLT
John 4 records one of the most encouraging and instructive interactions of Jesus. He spoke truth to a Samaritan woman, a woman poised to reject Him and His message in every way, yet by the time their conversation concluded, she was committed to follow Him and ran to tell everyone else she knew about this amazing man.
Jesus wants His people to be like Him. Christians should be known for the way they lovingly communicate the truth, both with each other and with outsiders. As we do this, we are able to live and share the genuine and abundant life that Jesus offers us. As we grow, telling the truth in love will become a natural part of our relationships.
If you know you have a relationship that currently needs a truthful conversation, there are some pertinent principles to follow. Prioritize the relationship. Truth is almost impossible to receive outside a relationship. Growing the relationship builds safety and trust and builds a foundation for sharing hard things. Recognize that your understanding is limited—you don’t have the full picture. Only God does. Listen to their perspective, thoughts, and feelings, and consider how their experiences impact them. You don’t have to agree. Keep a guard on your tongue. Choose your words carefully and don’t just share everything that crosses your mind. Your conversation must be against the backdrop of prayer and asking God for humility and wisdom. Watch for red flags. If you recognize that you are angry, tried, or frustrated, setting a time to talk within the next day or two instead of immediately is wise. Look for signs of self-righteousness and self-protection. Saying things like, “Look—I just want to be frank…,” or “I’m just gonna be honest here” usually indicates a poor attitude for sharing well. Be more interested in the relationship than who is right. Connecting must always come before correcting. You don’t have the right to be heard without relationship. Check your own eye for logs. Jesus said that I can’t even see clearly to help another person until I handle the problem/sin in my own life. Don’t ignore your own problems. Acknowledge them. Notice your own defensiveness. Make sure you’re not just defending your own version of right. Connect without control. Control always results when we focus on our version of good for someone else and expect them to conform. Control justifies, blame-shifts, manipulates, and disrespects. Humbly love, respect, and trust the outcome to God. Our responsibility is to obey. Outcomes are God’s responsibility.
Speaking the truth in love is powerful when we speak and act like Jesus.
- Do you have a relationship that needs a truthful conversation? Begin praying right now for humility, gentleness, and grace. Ask Jesus to set up the right timing and for you to be patient and courageous.