What Real Love Does

October 11, 2021

Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love. Ephesians 4:2 NLT

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. 1 Peter 4:8 NIV

Have you ever seen two humble people get into an ugly fight? I am sure you have not. There is something about humility that moves you away from the willingness to say and do things that do harm to other people. You just can’t find it in you to elevate your desire and opinions to the level of harshness and cruelty.

That’s why wise Paul speaks so much about humility in the context of relationships. Just because you choose humility doesn’t mean the other person will. They may even get so frustrated that initially they amp the wattage on their anger. But in the long run, humility will serve both of you very well. It will keep you from throwing fuel on the fire. It will prevent you from ugly and unforgettable words that will mar the relationship. Humility is one of your finest and best qualities. In fact, I would go so far as to say that humility enhances and adds credibility and value to every other virtue you possess.

Paul and Peter agree on the motivation for humble, deep love. Deep love is not the “luv” or “love ya” kind. It’s the committed, “I’m not leaving,” “you are part of my present and my future,” “you are worth it” kind of love. When you have that kind of love, walking away is not an easy option. You refuse to allow little things to irritate you. In fact, the little irritating things can be transformed because of the deep love.

My husband was notable in our family because of his mantra, “It won’t be an issue if we don’t make it an issue.” He lived it out. One of the imperfections (there are many 😊) in my personality is my tendency to misplace my phone, the debit card, my keys, etc. I have a friend who is very much like me, and her husband always gives her a long lecture on putting things in the same place every time, tells her she’s too old to be this irresponsible, and on and on, bringing tension into the relationship for hours, even days, and making everyone who hears his harangues feel awkward. Charlie handled it differently. He saw it as a quirk on my part that was simply part of the total me that he loved completely. He would smile and say, “Looks like it’s time for another game of hide and seek!”, and cheerfully help me find them. It erased tension and made me love him even more. I knew he loved me so deeply he wasn’t going to waste time correcting me on something that in the big picture was so insignificant.

Paul and Peter both say that deep love makes allowances for other’s failures. Deep love covers them. Deep love offers a “get out of jail free” for things that don’t really matter in the long run.

  • Jesus, show me where I am the judge and the warden instead of a humble lover in my relationships. I want to be gracious, giving, and love deeply.