What Love Language Looks Like

May 10, 2022

Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them. Ephesians 4:29 NLT

Paul’s very practical letter to his friends, the believers in the city of Ephesus, was intended to give them solid direction on how to build their relationships with God and each other. He speaks specifically to fathers and mothers, older people and younger ones, children, husbands and wives, bosses, and employees. No one misses out on the solid guidance he gives. Much of the gold he hands out can be used in any relationship for positive growth.

In two sentences Paul tells us what love language does not look or sound like and what identifies it.

Love language IS NOT foul. The variety of meanings surrounding “foul” tell us a great deal about what negative language can do, and what language that is not foul does. It is not offensive to the senses. It is not disgusting, repulsive or unpleasant. It is not unfair. It does not “hit below the belt.” It is not demeaning.

Love language IS NOT abusive. It is not intimidating, coercive, or controlling. It is not cruel, disparaging, or belittling. It does not enjoy triumphing over another.

Love language IS good. The dictionary says that good means right, righteous, advantageous, profitable, positive, and moral.

Love language IS helpful. Again, the dictionary says that helpful means to be kind. It means to assist, to benefit. Something that is helpful to another means it is valuable to them and makes their situation improve; get better.

Love language is not intended to be a sometime skill. It is to be our native language, the language we speak naturally. “Everything you say” is to fall into this category. It’s not “making up” words after a fallout. Neither is it grooming words, getting someone ready to do something for us. It is the language we are to use all the time.

What does it do? Well, for us, it will make us more like Jesus. For the people into whose lives we speak, they will be encouraged. That’s the purpose of our words—to encourage those who hear. We will be satisfied ourselves, and we will honor Jesus and represent Him well. Vertical and horizontal relationships will rise.

  • May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable and pleasing to You, O God, my Strength, and my Redeemer!