The Ruin of Resentment
May 20, 2022
… never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say, “I will take revenge; I will pay them back,” says the Lord. Instead, “If your enemies are hungry, feed them. If they are thirsty, give them something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals of shame on their heads. Don’t let evil conquer you, but conquer evil by doing good. Romans 12:19-21 NLT
It was a major forest fire. Acres of beautiful tall trees were destroyed, and no one even knew it was happening until it was too late. A small campfire was not fully put out and it smoldered for days until it got enough momentum from a breeze to burst into flame. The destruction and ruin were devastating.
That’s how resentment works. The people who will be most affected by it don’t even know it’s happening. Oh, there may have been an original explosion of anger, but that was months, maybe even years, ago. Everyone has moved on. Or maybe not. Maybe there is resentment smoldering and all it will take is the right breeze to fan it into destructive flames, and a marriage, a family, a friendship—even a church—can burn down.
Resentment is deadly. The ruins blacken the landscape of our memories and dreams. But we have been warned. God’s Word tells us repeatedly that bitterness and resentment have no place in our lives and will destroy us.
Paying someone back is a burden God never intended us to carry. He says HE will right the wrongs in the right way at the right time. Resentment and bitterness will burn through us if we do not release our wounds and disappointments to Him. When we choose to trust that He will deal justly with our situations, forgiveness becomes our first option.
People you love will disappoint you. They will fail to keep a promise, say things that cause you pain, fail to show up when you need them. That comes with our humanity. When it happens, we can be honest, speak the truth in love, and do our best to resolve the situation. Whether they take the steps they should or not, we can choose forgiveness, which is “taking them off my hook and letting them stay on God’s hook” as I pray for them. Humility is essential. From their perspective, they may need to forgive you as well. Henri Nouwen said, “Compassion asks us to go where it hurts, to enter into the places of pain, to share in brokenness, fear, confusion, and anguish. Compassion challenges us to cry out with those in misery, to mourn with those who are lonely, to weep with those in tears. Compassion requires us to be weak with the weak, vulnerable with the vulnerable, and powerless with the powerless. Compassion means full immersion in the condition of being human.” Forgiveness, compassion, and empathy mean holding hands and walking on the painful path together, putting out the smoldering fire before it ruins us.
- God, help me go first in eradicating resentment in my relationships.