The Cost of Personal Relationships

March 1, 2023

He said to another person, “Come, follow me.” The man agreed, but he said, “Lord, first let me return home and bury my father.” But Jesus told him, “Let the spiritually dead bury their own dead! Your duty is to go and preach about the Kingdom of God.” Luke 9:59-60 NLT

Jesus encountered a second man after He gave the command to go to the other side of the lake. This man had what we would say was a good heart and good intentions. Jesus clearly saw great potential in him. He was not a volunteer, but Matthew names him as part of the wider group of people who were “disciples” for teaching and miracles and were publicly identifying with Jesus. He had initiated some kind of relationship. So, Jesus invited, “Come follow me.”

The man gives away the state of his heart with the word “first.” “Lord, first let me go and bury my father.” He had something he wanted to do before he obeyed and followed. He was putting something other than Jesus first in his life. His personal relationships came first.

The request doesn’t seem too off base and unreasonable at first. But the chances are high the man’s father hadn’t even died yet. If so, it is unlikely he would have been in that crowd. In biblical times, properly burying your father was of utmost importance to a Jew. There were many arrangements to be made, properly preparing the body, having the days of mourning, the actual burial, and then handling your father’s affairs. Had his father been dead, he would have been doing those things. What this man was actually saying is, “Lord, I will. But first, let me get through this season of life. Let me handle these personal things first.”

There is a major disconnect, a major misunderstanding when we call Jesus Lord, and then say “later” to one of His commands. You don’t call Jesus Lord and then put your agenda, your desires, your authority over His, even in personal relationships. We do it so often. But Matthew 10 and Luke 14 record Jesus hammering this point home again—any personal relationship that hinders you from immediate and complete obedience to Me removes you from the possibility of following Me. Jesus didn’t hate families—He deeply loved His own human family. But He had moments when to be the true Son of His Father He had to disappoint them and make choices that separated Him from then. That’s why He answered the man, “Let the spiritually dead people handle things the way the world does. YOU follow me. Follow your purpose.” When we follow Jesus, He is above everything else, and sometimes that requires painful choices in relationships. Christ followers in persecuted countries understand that well.

We follow on His terms, not our own. He is the Lord. We are followers. “What Jesus was doing was so important, so urgent, so immediate that it was the one thing that mattered. Whatever else you were thinking of doing, this comes first.” – N. T. Wright

• In what relationship/season of life do you want to follow your heart before you follow Him?