Don't Let It Be

May 8, 2023

If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame. Proverbs 18:13 ESV

Do you know what is worse than being married to a fool? Being one. Yep. When we feel aggravated by someone we consider to be a fool or someone who is acting foolishly, we often forget that we can join those ranks in a flash. People who behave foolishly can neither enjoy honest self-respect or the respect of others.

Wise Solomon tells us we can become a fool and heap shame upon ourselves in one simple, thoughtless act—speaking before listening. What is the problem there?

Well, it’s arrogant. It conveys that I know so much I know the answer before you have even explained your perspective. Sometimes we think we know what the other person is thinking, and we are completely off base. It’s also rude. It lacks courtesy and simple manners. It dishonors and disrespects. All of those are destructive to your relationship. You wouldn’t interrupt or overtalk the President or any other important people. Your spouse is more important.

Speaking before you hear the other person out prevents you from getting to the heart of the matter. Most issues are layered, and we come from different starting places. When we don’t listen, we can’t know what is really on their heart and will end up further confusing the situation. Speaking without proper understanding throws fuel on the fire.

We can choose to listen and then ask questions to clarify. “Thank you for sharing this with me. Do I understand that you feel______________?” We may still have missed it. Listen to the tone and attitude and be careful of your own. Tone and attitude speak volumes, and sometimes they are saying something different than what the ears hear. If you don’t understand the words your spouse is choosing, ask for help in understanding, and then listen very, very carefully.

Keep in mind that each of you brings your own expectations and experiences into the conversation. If you don’t speak prematurely, you may be able to pick up a clue about other circumstances that are at the heart of their concern.

Just remember—all interruptions and premature answers are based on believing I already know all I need to know. That makes me a fool. A wise person believes he or she can always learn something. Don’t let your spouse be married to a fool.

• Are you quick to listen and slow to speak? Probably not always. Ask God to help you in this area today.