Fathers and Their Children

June 20, 2023

Yesterday we celebrated what we call Father’s Day. As a dad I appreciated it, and I certainly love and honor my own father. He was one in a million.

Many people have been posting pictures and kind words about their fathers. I think this is great and healthy. For some it comes very easily, but some have to look harder to say the kind words. I appreciate deeply the ones who work at it.

The truth be told, a very high percentage of people struggle in their relationship with their earthly father, at least for a season. Many articles and books deal with “the father wound.” Psychologists list numerous issues that arise for a person with father issues. Several are pronounced and seen in both men and women.

People who struggle with father issues frequently have problems with authority. They resist and push back at the people in places of authority in their lives, such as teachers, law enforcement officers, bosses, pastors, government officials, even random people who are in temporary positions of authority, as a person handling complaints in a place of business. They may become resentful, challenging, or uncooperative when they need to accept a decision or policy they didn’t personally choose. At some time in their past they decided they would never obey or submit to authority again unless they wanted to, and they simply don’t want to.

Then there’s another common outgrowth of struggle with our dads that is closely related to the authority struggle. It’s the struggle for control. It is not just that they don’t want to submit to authority—they want to be the authority to whom others submit. They will find a million loopholes, a reason they are the exception to the rule, and generally are very convincing to others either by coercion, manipulation, or charm to do as they wish.

The most difficult part of father issues is that most people who have unresolved issues with their earthly father struggle with the heavenly Father’s authority and control and order as well. This leads to an unending struggle in life.

An earthly father has limited legitimate authority. But when a person goes against clearly known principles of God, they are going against their heavenly Father, and the two are inseparable. Learning to work with human authority is important to God. Paul found himself figuring out how to work even with ungodly authorities in a godly manner because it was important to God.

For there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. Romans 13:1 NIV

Rebellion is as sinful as witchcraft, and stubbornness as bad as worshiping idols. 1 Samuel 15:23 NLT

When we accept Jesus Christ as Savior, we are accepted into the family of God, where God is our Father and other believers are our siblings. We are called to learn and embrace the values of this new family by renewing our minds.

Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect. Romans 12:2 NLT

This includes allowing God to work with us and transforming the way we think about authority, control, and conflict. When we have authority and control issues within a family our siblings are affected and draw into conflict and situations caused by our own Father issues. Jesus prayed (John 17) right before His death that our unity within His family would attract the world. It would be our identifying mark. That’s why Scripture is full of direction and wisdom about our communication.

The person who tells one side of a story seems right, until someone else comes and asks questions. Proverbs 18:17 NCV

 If people are causing divisions among you, give a first and second warning. After that, have nothing more to do with them. For people like that have turned away from the truth, and their own sins condemn them. Titus 3:10-11 NLT

Therefore I, a prisoner for serving the Lord, beg you to lead a life worthy of your calling, for you have been called by God. Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love. Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace…. we will no longer be immature like children. We won’t be tossed and blown about by every wind of new teaching. We will not be influenced when people try to trick us with lies so clever they sound like the truth. Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church… Let us tell our neighbors the truth, for we are all parts of the same body. And “don’t sin by letting anger control you.” Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil…. If you are a thief, quit stealing. Instead, use your hands for good hard work, and then give generously to others in need. Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them. And do not bring sorrow to God’s Holy Spirit by the way you live. Remember, he has identified you as his own, guaranteeing that you will be saved on the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you. Ephesians 4 NLT

Here is the really good news: Our heavenly Father is perfect in all of His ways. He has the ability to transform and heal us in every way as we humbly surrender to Him. He will never make a mistake in His dealings with us. Even out of what appears to be the very worst, He can bring something good.

Your Father is a good, good Father.