Ears, Eyes, Heart Wide Open

June 3, 2024

I just learned of two suicides this week. Suicides are always devastating and shocking, but when it happens and the one who chose to end life was apparently successful with it all, it is extremely shocking. These two were the wife of a former NBA coach who is now a TNT analyst’s wife. The other was an excellent professional golfer who was playing in a tournament, and after not making the cut, took his life the next day.

Who would have thought it? Successful people – from the external view living the good life. Stan Van Gundy' s wife of 35 years died August 16, at which time her cause of death was said to be "unexpected." Later, with months to reflect on Kim Van Gundy's passing, Stan told longtime friend and sports talk host Dan Le Batard, on the latter's "South Beach Sessions" podcast, that Kim, 61, died by suicide. "She took her own life, Dan," Van Gundy said. "I can't imagine that I'll ever get over that. ... It was devastating."

Van Gundy discussed at length the woman he began a relationship with when he was 24 and the life they had built in more than three decades of marriage. "My entire adult life, I trace everything – job changes, kids, everything – I was with her, and she was by my side. I never, ever envisioned that I was going to live any day of my life without Kim," he said, and added that his wife had been diagnosed with a mental illness.

"I knew she was going through a tough time, but I still never envisioned that happening. Even now, it's been eight months, and I struggle to come to grips with the fact that I'm never going to see her again. I'm trying hard to stay connected. ... My house is full of pictures of Kim. There's a montage of pictures above my bed that my kids did for me of Kim. I'm trying hard to remember her voice, to remember her smile, all of those things. But more than anything, live her values, because her values were better than mine. He said on the podcast that he is in therapy, but that life is different without Kim. Their four kids are helping to hold him together, but it's hard. "I just don't think I'll ever get over it," Van Gundy said.

Grayson Colby Murray was an American professional golfer. He won two PGA Tour events: the 2017 Barbasol Championship and the 2024 Sony Open in Hawaii. The PGA Tour released a statement on behalf of Eric and Terry Murray, the 30-year-old golfer's parents, who said they "have spent the last 24 hours trying to come to terms with the fact that our son is gone. It's surreal that we not only have to admit it to ourselves, but that we also have to acknowledge it to the world. It's a nightmare," the statement said, adding: "He was loved and he will be missed. … Life wasn't always easy for Grayson, and although he took his own life, we know he rests peacefully now," they said.

Murray had dealt with alcohol issues, but after months of sobriety, a victory at the Sony Open seemed a vindication that he’d put any demons behind him. When he dropped a 40-foot birdie putt on the first hole of a playoff, Murray seemed to have found himself fulfilling all the potential he’d displayed as a decorated amateur. “My life is so good right now. I wouldn’t trade anything. I have a beautiful fiancée. I have beautiful parents. I have beautiful nephews, siblings,” Murray said after the victory in January. “Everyone in my life right now who is close to me, who has been through the struggles with me, it’s all a team effort. I am sitting here alone, but all of them are part of this. I think this is just the start of something really special.”

Jay Monahan, Commissioner of the PGA, said that he had long talks with Murray, hoping to provide as many resources to players as possible, especially considering how isolating PGA

Tour life can be on a consistent basis. In retrospect, he hopes Murray will be remembered as one of the pioneers on that front, a player who pushed the Tour to maintain a focus on mental health.

“I just want to be clear. We don’t know the circumstances around Grayson’s passing,” Monahan said. “My conversations with Grayson in the past, you know, in the area of mental health, we were always challenging ourselves to make certain we were on the front edge of being able to provide the support we could for everybody out here. Listen, these are some of the best athletes in the world. They think they’re – you know, and they are, in many respects, invincible. I think one of the things, as I think back about Grayson’s openness, is – courage. He taught us all a lesson on that front.”

The lesson the lives of these two precious souls has hammered home to me is that we must live like Jesus did and taught. Don’t isolate. Live in community. Be vulnerable. Share. Communicate consistently with God and His people. Seek help.

For others, walk through the world as Jesus did – eyes, ears, and hearts wide open. NOTICE. Look for the people who are struggling. Take the time to pray, talk, and offer support. My dad used to say repeatedly, “Be kind. Everyone you meet is carrying a heavier burden than you know.”

Jesus’ invitation was to “come and be with Me.” Inviting people to your small group, to coffee, to church services WITH YOU may change someone’s life who is on the brink. God is the expert connector of people. The people they meet there will widen their circle of hope and help. God will use you, perhaps to change an entire destiny. NOTICE. Be alert.