Honor your father and mother. This is the first commandment with a promise. Ephesians 6:2 NLT
Therefore, go and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Teach these new disciples to obey all the commands I have given you. And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age. Matthew 28:19-20 NLT
Dallas Willard was an incredible gift to the Kingdom of God. As a professor and lifelong student and developer of spiritual formation, he impacted Jesus-followers for decades and into the future until Jesus returns. Dallas taught that the most important thing you and God will get from your life is the person you become. He was also careful to point out that this personal growth is not something God does for us, but it is a joint effort. We have to do our part. One of the points he emphasized was that this biblical command to honor your parents is vital to helping people grow as disciples. He said that when helping people live as disciples of Jesus, “A major point will often be to help them honor their parents. This is not something that can be bypassed.” Honoring our parents is a crucial part of discipleship, our likeness to Jesus, and our witness to the world.
When children are young and living at home, what it means to honor seems simple: Respect. Obey. Remember who is the boss. Submit. But that doesn’t necessarily follow as we become adults and leave home. Honoring doesn’t mean that they are in charge. It doesn’t mean that the values that run counter to your values must be followed. It doesn’t mean that you hide your feelings and have no boundaries. It doesn’t even mean you must live with guilt if you can’t stir up feelings of affection or pretend that wrong things never happened.
The Hebrew word translated “honor” is to give weight to. They have weight because of the position they hold in your life: You wouldn’t be here without them. You only exist because of them. If they are wise and godly, that increases their weight. But even if they weren’t, psychology has learned that dishonoring a person’s parents and heritage intertwines with devaluing one’s own existence, and that will create issues that follow the person throughout their lifetime. This is a fundamental reason many adopted children who are very satisfied with their adoptive families still seek their biological parents, not to chastise them but in hopes of creating a relationship and finding wholeness. Honoring your father and mother is good for your well-being at any age. It will cause you to thrive in a manner you cannot if your relationship with your parents is dishonorable. Tomorrow we will look at what honoring can look like.
- Father, no matter my age, help me see that this IS a command that is crucial, and it is good for me.