Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God has forgiven you because you belong to Christ. Ephesians 4:32 TLB
No one ever gets far along in life without feeling pain and getting hurt. I’m the daughter of a pastor, wife of a pastor, sister of a pastor, mother of a pastor, and a pastor for almost 50 years myself. I was going to church before I was born, so I am no stranger to church hurt. I have experienced more than I would have ever wished for, witnessed more than I can recount, and wept with countless people who have shared their stories with me. I have watched people walk away from one church, and I have watched others walk away from THE Church, their faith.
No story of church hurt is alike. It can range from physical and sexual abuse to being undervalued, gossiped about, betrayed, misled, and any number of other unimaginably painful things. But there are some things I know that are true and can help bring healing to a hurting heart.
First, hurts happen in all communities and relationships, but when they happen at church, the image of God can get distorted. He is our Father and a good, great, and generous Father who tenderly cares for His children. When people who carry His name don’t live up to what we know God is, we typically question God and feel He has let us down. It changes how we feel about God and His love of us. His trustworthiness.
Second, the church is also a community. Jesus began the church one at a time as He called His disciples. They were imperfect, flawed people, distinguished only by His love for them and their response to His call. They were a diverse group, called to follow Him in a love and unity that would prove to the world that Jesus was who He said He was – sent from God to show them the Father. They did it imperfectly, and that is still the church today. We are loved and called by Jesus to together live out His mission for the world. This is not a solo journey. Despite our imperfections, we need each other.
Third, we can see with clarity, and then choose to love and forgive like Jesus, experiencing His healing. We can see clearly that GOD did not hurt us. He is not the source of our pain. We can realize that CHURCH did not hurt us. The Church, as imperfect as it is, is God’s chosen means for us to experience Him most deeply. You will find more loving, generous, self-sacrificial people in the Church than anywhere else in the world. You can see clearly that you were hurt by one or two or perhaps a group of specific people who are broken themselves, not His Church. Jesus can give you the strength to move onward, forgiving and healing from the heart.
- Jesus, help me see You and the truth of my hurt clearly, and help me determine to grow through it.