Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it. Proverbs 22:6 NLT
How do we build a positive legacy for our children? It seems to be difficult and challenging any way we look at it. If we have genuinely great parents, we fear we won’t do as well as they did. If we had less than adequate parents, we are afraid of repeating their mistakes. Parenting is arguably life’s greatest challenge, so our worries are understandable.
Wherever we come from, there are some basics in the legacy we want to give our children. High on the list is to have the relational skills for fulfilling, long-lasting relationships. After years of studying emotional health, author, pastor, and founder of a ground-breaking ministry for spiritual and emotional health, Pete Scazzero, says, “Being emotionally equipped for a long-term relationship requires a commitment to ongoing self-awareness, emotional regulation, and the cultivation of strong communication and empathy skills. It also involves building a foundation of trust, respect, and shared values, and nurturing emotional intimacy within the relationship.”
How do we get there and give our children the massive doses of trust, respect, shared values, and emotional intimacy they need to empower their lives?
First, a parent must do the heavy lifting, first for themselves and then for their children. You can’t teach anything you don’t embody yourself. The relational skills and values such as forgiveness, compassion, tolerance, respect, and self-control you want in your children must be high on your own transformation list. Teach your children to respect by respecting. Teach them to apologize by apologizing. Teach them to communicate well by learning to do it yourself. You get it. REFUSE to EXCUSE yourself by blaming your past. You are an adult who knows Jesus. The power that raised Him from the dead is available to you right now to put old behaviors to death and walk out of that blame grave to new life for you and your family. Pray specifically as if your life depended on it. Luke Bryan sings a song about faith and our children. It says, “I used to talk to my kids ‘bout Jesus; now I’m talking to Jesus ‘bout my kids.” Both parts of that are significant, but talking ABOUT Jesus to them will too easily be weaponized and more destructive than helpful if we are not talking to Him about them, passionately trusting them to Him. Make home a happy, safe place. Greet them with love and joy when they come home, no matter what. Sociologists and psychologists tell us that the first three seconds of every first interaction set the tone for the rest of the day. Be relentlessly loving in the morning and evening (and in between!). Remember the best way to train your children in the way they should go is to go that way yourself. It will change your marriage and life, and theirs as well.
- What are the deficits I am likely to pass on to my children if I do not intentionally work with God to identify and fix them? Help me, Father