Many of the moms I know feel like they don’t matter that much in the day-to-day life of their kids, particularly when they become teens. The evidence says differently. Despite the idea that teens simply roll their eyes when their mothers interject in their lives, and all the stereotypes of teens rolling their eyes at their parents, research says differently. Research says that Gen Z members are actually incredibly open with and dependent on their mothers.
According to the latest research from barna.com, today’s Christian teens consistently identify their mother as the principal home connection for almost all activities. From eating meals together (85%) and watching TV or movies (81%), to talking about God (70%) and having confrontations (63%), mothers are the primary activity partner for their teens. Only friendships
exceed time for texting (69% mothers vs. 73% friendships) and calling (61% vs. 71%). The only time mothers are not leading the way is when it comes to activities like interacting on social media or playing sports, both dominated by friendships.
According to practicing Christian teens, mothers are the go-to person for all kinds of support
advice (78%), encouragement (75%) and sympathy (72%). Meanwhile, fathers play a somewhat
needy role in meeting teens’ tangible needs for money (74%) and logistical help (63%), though even on these two issues, they are somewhat on par with mothers.
As mothers are seen as advisors and encouragers, teens report approaching them with tougher topics. In the impressionable middle and high school years, even conversations about sex (41%) aren’t off limits between teens and moms. (Understandably, when discussing sex, there is a bit of a difference depending on the teens’ gender, with 30 percent of boys and 48 percent of girls talking about this with their mother, and 50 percent of boys and 10 percent of girls covering this topic with their father). Christian teens also primarily seek out mothers’ opinions on questions of faith (72%) or the Bible (71%), as well as things that might be troubling them (78%). No wonder 68 percent of Gen Z in this survey say their mom was the one who was there for them in their last personal crisis.”
Mom, you matter so much. As the old but true adage says, “The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world.”
Mothers have played a key role in the Christian faith since the time of Mary, the mother of Jesus. “Mom,” “Mother,” “Mommy” are all truly verbs. Mothers expend massive amounts of energy giving wisdom and warnings, sharing time, talent, and treasure. They embrace a myriad of roles as they raise children and beyond as their children raise children themselves. They are referees, coaches, chefs, butlers, maids, tutors, bus drivers, and cheerleaders. They bandage boohoos and heal hearts. They sacrifice regularly to meet the needs of their children, asking little in return.
Mothers come in all shapes, sizes, and from all directions. There are birth mothers, stepmothers, adoptive mothers, foster mothers, and “adopted” mothers of friends. There are grandmothers, god mothers, and mothers-in-law. God created women to fill a special role, one that’s ever-changing and ever- challenging. It’s incredibly hard and awesomely rewarding.
Mom’s influence is mighty with both words and action. Proverbs 31:26 tells us that a great wife and mom “opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.” To do it well requires intentionality and sensitivity. How?
Be available. Influence starts with intentional availability, being fully present in a moment. A parent can be in the same room as her children without really paying attention to them. A mother’s attentive presence in her children’s lives means more to them than we know and sets the foundation for relationships in years to come. Go back and re-read Barna’s research.
Be a consistent Christlike example. Our children watch us, and they don’t just notice when we do things right; they notice our mess- ups as well. Apologize when you lose your temper. Teach and practice grace. Our kids need to see our relationship with Christ as authentic and real and that we are different because of Jesus.
Be an encouragement. Specialize in catching them doing something right. It’s easier to spot the things we don’t like. Make a point to encourage your child in what she does right and what she enjoys. Don’t just correct and try to “shape.” When you applaud all you can, when correction must happen, it will go much better. Make sure your kids know you are their lifelong number-one fan and cheerleader.
You can do it, Mom. You matter so much.