Fathers play a key role in preparing children for life outside the family. A father’s gifts of quality time, life-giving words, and positive actions have a long-lasting impact on his children. However, there are two major trends in American fatherhood today: father absence and father involvement. How can you be on the father involvement side?
There are some general principles that lay the foundation for effective fatherhood:
Take care of your marriage first. If you are a married father, an important key to good father-child relationships is to have a strong relationship with your wife.
Prioritize fatherhood. Don’t be afraid good fathering will cause you to lose your work edge and not be as competitive for positions as those who lack family ties or neglect them. Research doesn’t support that fear. Plan your work around your family
Have regular one-on-one time with each child. It’s great and enjoyable sometimes to make small talk while you are doing something else or running errands, but there must be times that you turn off the TV, put down your phone, and give your kids your undivided attention.
Shower them with open affection. No child outgrows the need for hugs and encouraging words from their dad. With the older kids you may want to do this more privately.
Share your gifts and knowledge with them. Teach them. No dad has every gift or skill. Kids may learn certain things from other males in their lives. Use opportunities to share your talents. They will develop socially with their skills.
Connect with your child at all levels – physically, emotionally, spiritually. Know and enjoy their friends. Go to sports events, concerts, whatever they enjoy with them. Talk casually about God, not preaching but sharing your own experience. Make sure you have some contact with every aspect of your child’s life.
God designed dads to have a unique influence on their families. An online quote says …
- A father’s strength can be powerful
- A dad’s words can be fueling and inspirational
- Hugs from a dad can be deeply comforting
- A dad’s smiles can instill joy and confidence
- Time with a dad can be fun and productive
- A dad’s physicality can be challenging
- A dad’s guidance can be life-changing and foundational
- A father’s correction can be life-saving and life-giving
- Adventures with a dad can be exciting and memorable
Here’s the thing, though. That CAN be true, but it’s not automatic. A dad can bring many amazing things to their family. But a dad must realize it, and then step up and take responsibility.
Your habits, shared experiences, and little things you do provide the arena for your impact.
Spiritually you can bring foundation and direction through consistent prayer and reading of Scripture with your family. Tell your child why you love God.
Emotionally you can bring understanding and resilience by being open to learning about and discussing emotions and their powerful effect on life. Carefully listen to your child and teach him not to be allergic to emotions and feelings.
Mentally you can bring focus, confidence, and strength through your words of affirmation. Teach your child the importance of guarding their thoughts, since thoughts turn into behaviors.
Relationally you can bring closeness and faithfulness through your gentle love, service, and presence. Gentleness is strength under control. Teach your child about the importance and foundation of humility.
Physically you can bring relaxation, adventure, pursuit, strength, affection, and activity to your family. Teach your child the benefits of being active and showing loving affection. The best balance is working hard, playing hard, eating the right fuel for your body, and getting plenty of sleep. Perfection does not gain long-lasting love. Imperfections allow love to be genuine, deep, active, and growing.
Fathers and mothers are central to the development of a child’s emotional well-being. Specifically, children look to their fathers for guidance in life and to provide a feeling of security, both physical and emotional. Children want to make their fathers proud, and an involved father promotes inner growth and strength. Studies have shown that when fathers are affectionate and supportive, it greatly affects a child’s cognitive and social development. It also instills an overall sense of well-being and self-confidence.
Fathers not only influence who we are inside, but they have a major effect on how we have relationships with people as we grow. The way a father treats his child will influence what he or she looks for in other people. Friends, lovers, and spouses will all be chosen based on how the child understood the meaning of the relationship with his or her father. The patterns a father sets in the relationships with his children will strongly influence how his children relate with other people.
Young girls typically depend on their fathers for security and emotional support. She looks to her dad to show her what a good relationship with a man is like. If a father is loving and gentle, his daughter will look for those qualities in men when she’s old enough to begin dating. Unlike girls, who model their relationships with others based on their father’s character, boys model themselves after their father’s character. Boys seek approval from their fathers beginning very young. Every human grows up by imitating the behavior of those around them. That’s the way we learn to function in the world. If a father is caring and treats people with respect, the young boy will grow up much the same. When a father is absent, young boys look to other male figures to learn how to behave and survive in the world.
Anyone can father a child, but being a dad takes a lifetime. Fathers play a role in every child’s life that cannot be filled by others. Pray for the dads in your life. Use your words and behavior to encourage them with love to be all they can be.