Erica Kirk, the grieving young widow who became famous around the world when her husband was tragically assassinated by a disturbed young man, said in her eulogy during the service that she was choosing to forgive her husband’s killer. It stunned the world and stirred amazed admiration. How could she say that? How could she do it? So many of us withhold forgiveness for things far less. She was applauded by the immense crowd in attendance, but it’s unlikely that many in the in-person crowd or the crowd around the world will follow her example.
Why? Because she was only able to do this by understanding her own need for forgiveness. She could only forgive this huge wrong by understanding that she had been forgiven. Owning you need forgiveness and that God has given it to you through Jesus, and that you need forgiveness from others requires humility.
While many people will continue to live in unforgiveness, others have been dramatically moved to humility and forgiveness. Actor Tim Allen posted on his X account the decision he made as a result of hearing Erika’s testimony: “When Erika Kirk spoke the words on the man who killed her husband: ‘That man ... that young man ... I forgive him.’ That moment deeply affected me. I have struggled for over 60 years to forgive the man who killed my dad. I will say those words now as I type: ‘I forgive the man who killed my father.’ Peace be with you all.”
What is forgiveness? Forgiveness is not an easy statement we make. It is much more than that.
The forgiveness demonstrated by Christ and commanded to us is distinctive:
- It is an act of the will. Forgiveness is a decision to stop holding the offense against someone, not an emotion or weakness.
- It is a release of debt. Like canceling a debt, forgiveness releases the offender from the penalty.
- It is a reflection of God’s grace. God's forgiveness of our sins through Jesus Christ is the model for our forgiveness of others.
- It is an expression of love. Forgiveness is based on unselfish love, which "keeps no record of wrongs".
- It is a decision to let go. Forgiving people let go of resentment, bitterness, and any desire for revenge, retribution, or compensation for the hurt suffered.
- It is the way to achieve freedom. Forgiveness frees the person offering it from the emotional burden of bitterness, anger, and the potential negative health effects of unforgiveness
Forgiveness is more than a good idea, a suggestion for a better life, or an optional choice for “super Christians.” It is a command for those who claim to follow Jesus.
Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32 NIV
This verse instructs believers to live out God's kindness and compassion by extending forgiveness to others, mirroring the forgiveness they have received through Christ.
See that no one misses God’s loving-favor. Do not let wrong thoughts about others get started among you. If you do, many people will be turned to a life of sin. Hebrews 12:15 NLV
Watch carefully that no one falls short of God’s favor, that no well of bitterness springs up to trouble you and throw many others off the path. Hebrews 12:15 VOICE
When we are presented with the need to forgive someone, we need to be very aware. Holding on to unforgiveness is very risky. Bitterness is a dangerous emotion: It is a destructive force, capable of poisoning the heart and corrupting others.
When you refuse to forgive it not only destroys you, but by you speaking to others about it and living in unforgiveness, you influence them in a negative way.
Forgiveness is not optional. What is God saying to you? Who needs your forgiveness? Who might you need to ask to forgive you?