Love each other with genuine affection and take delight in honoring each other. Romans 12:10 NLT
We are familiar with the biblical command to honor your parents, and that in some way it will bless your life. When children are young, the tendency is to simply concentrate on honoring Dad and Mom, and that boils down to obedience, respect, and submission. However, our children are best benefitted when we realize that honor is to begin at home, but it extends far beyond that. We are to live with honor and respect in the home and outside of it. Honor does include obedience to those who have legitimate authority over us, but we aren’t called to obey everyone – it isn’t even healthy or safe to do so.
Developing the character quality of honor in our children requires a deep, intentional relationship. Anyone can obey, but unless obedience comes from the heart, it is not honor. A child can be made to “share,” but unless it is a willing heart choice, it is simply forced dividing. How do we then teach honor?
Prioritize doing life actively with your children. We don’t simply bark commands and corrections. We catch them getting it right and affirm how wise and kind their actions were. When we catch them doing wrong, we help them discover how they could have chosen more wisely. This requires time and conversation. Prioritize it.
Help them understand what honoring means. Honoring someone means lifting them up, helping them feel valued and significant. For parents and teachers, of course, that means you will obey and show respect in the way you talk and act. They will learn it best as they see you as parents honoring each other, your own parents, others, and honoring them. Honoring means not rolling your eyes in disdain. It means putting down your phone and truly listening. It means not making another person feel foolish or inadequate. Honoring gives them the attention they need. Nothing will speak more loudly than the way they daily observe your honor or lack of it.
Discuss your successes or failures in honoring each other. Our relationship with God is not simply vertical. He cares very much about our horizontal relationships. Check out how much weight in Scripture is given to treating each other with honor. Iin fact, we are commanded to take delight in outdoing each other in honor. Give your children the great gift of acknowledging when you have failed, repenting, and asking for forgiveness. They need it, and so do you.
Teaching children to honor more expansively than simply obeying their parents sets them up for success with God and people.
- Prayerfully and joyfully set a plan for developing honor as a family characteristic.