We think you ought to know, dear brothers and sisters, about the trouble we went through in the province of Asia. We were crushed and overwhelmed beyond our ability to endure, and we thought we would never live through it. In fact, we expected to die. But as a result, we stopped relying on ourselves and learned to rely only on God, who raises the dead. 2 Corinthians 1:8-9 NLT
This statement my pastor made a couple years ago is defining truth for my life and I share it often: “The most important decision you will ever make in this life is to choose to follow Jesus. The second most important is to proactively decide to believe that God is always, always good.”
When I look at the moments when worry looms big and I get curious about the source of my stress and worry, it is because I have lost my grip on my conscious faith that God is always good and will always work things together for good in my life (Romans 8:28). Digging around that truth has shown me another proactive decision I needed to make.
You see, my husband was a person of great and I would say “easy” faith. He rarely worried about anything, and his calm, easy-going nature always assumed things would work out. It was natural for me to let him share my worries and assure me that everything would be just fine. But human support can only go so far. The moment he was in the presence of Jesus and not here with me, things were different. I began working on a new realization in an unaccustomed way.
I am a responsible, compassionate person. I highly value these character qualities and consider them vital to my life. But I can easily slip into control and codependency. I can feel incredible pressure and need to make everyone happy; everything to turn out right. Sometimes the situations are truly huge and threatening. Like Paul, I have had periods I thought I would never live through. They were far beyond my ability to endure.
But I took a page from Paul, and honestly, I am taking it again today. I am in a perfect storm of unrelated situations that are pressing in on me hard and I have no way to relieve the pressing and the crushing. So, I determinedly choose to quit relying on myself. It’s an ongoing choice. When my mind threatens to renew my reliance on myself, I remind myself, “Brenda, this is so far above your paygrade it is ridiculous. Leave it to God. He even raises the dead!”
The source of my worry every single time is self-reliance, EVEN when I know I am a skilled worrier with a crippling sense of inadequacy without remembering who I am in Christ. I must rely on God alone, the One who raises the dead and puts worry to death.
- I am not big enough for my worries. HE is. Jesus, help me remember.