To all who mourn … he will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair. In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks the Lord has planted for his glory. Isaiah 61:3 NLT
It’s my birthday month. The gift I give to myself every year is to think through my life and work with the Holy Spirit to see who I am at this point in life, and why it is true. Then we work together for my next trip around the sun. Last year I became profoundly aware that I had significant unprocessed grief in my life – not about the beloved people who had finished their journeys and reached their forever home – but about personal hurts. To be completely vulnerable, there were five issues ranging from betrayal and rejection by people with whom I had done nothing but try to love and help (though I am sure imperfectly), to mistreatment and spiritual mishandling by authorities in my life, to disappointment that the combination of Covid and my rare autoimmune disease necessitated my retirement several years earlier than I had hoped and desired. I hadn’t let myself realize my situation because I honestly had chosen to forgive – accept life as gracefully as I could and move on. That required ongoing recommitment to forgiveness when a situation would bump the scar, and I felt residual pain. I don’t mean to imply that I had to forgive God – of course He is never wrong and does not need my forgiveness. But I recommitted to my confidence that He is always good, trustworthy, and faithful, so I can trust Him when I don’t understand.
As I processed with God, I realized I had been able to not allow bitterness to take root in my heart (Hebrews 12:15) because I believed two important truths: 1) I am as imperfect as the people who hurt me. I also fail to love perfectly. 2) But God loves every single one of us completely, even the people who disappoint and hurt me. How can I not choose to do the same? But living in forgiveness is only part of healing, not the whole thing. Now God wants to heal my hurt, not just help me forgive it. I now have a choice to make. Will I live hurt or healed?
It’s always a choice. Whenever and wherever I choose to live with hurt crouching in the shadows, I am more likely to hurt others. Hurt animals and people alike are prone to hurt themselves and others without actually deciding to do it – their hurt goes ahead of them. When I choose to heal, I am able to use even my hurt to become a healer in the lives of others. God will replace my grief with joy and my loss with blessing. I grow in strength to become a great oak that God has planted in exactly the place I am – for His glory. I can only receive what He has given to me. I can only thrive where He has planted and positioned me. He planted me in HIS Church. I am thriving and being healed. Happy birthday to me. 😊 I invite you … no, I urge you … to let Him have your hurt and heal you. He will use His Church to do it.
- Thank You, Jesus, for Your Church. Thank You for the privilege of being a part of it.