Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge. Psalm 62:8 NIV
“Occasionally weep deeply over the life you hoped would be. Grieve the losses. Then wash your face. Trust God. And embrace the life you have.” Sometime early in 2016 I walked into my sister’s kitchen and saw this quote scribbled on an index card, held by a magnet on her refrigerator door. Jeannie was wife to a disabled husband who was continually battling new issues with sepsis and mother to two young adult women. She loved them with her whole heart and was continually trying to support their dreams. She worked long hours at a Christian bookstore and was well-known for her knowledge of helpful resources and a compassionate heart to match them to needs. Jeannie was a beautiful person with a burdened heart.
I asked her about the quote sometime later when we were alone. She had hastily scrawled it on the first thing she found when she heard it on the radio – she didn’t even know who said it. She just knew it was God’s voice to her. That year we talked every Friday for a couple of hours on the way to and from visiting our father who was in a lovely nursing home. We took him to lunch together. She often stayed to trim his hair and care for his personal needs. These were never to be forgotten days. Loads of laughter as we shared tales of days gone by. But through tears she also made me aware of her deep disappointment in several issues in life. She once thought she would be a missionary or perhaps a nurse. But life got away from her and that didn’t happen. Abuse at an early age confused her and made her feel unworthy; a treasured early adult relationship shattered and left her insecure. After a heart attack, surgeons left an artery too long and the artery kinked, causing a second massive heart attack. Her heart never recovered from the damage. In June she said she knew she would not live long. I didn’t believe her.
Over the next months, I sensed her sorting. She was a cheerful, loving, and generous person. No one else knew of her disappointment – she was never a complainer. Jeannie was widely loved and a huge contributor to life. She recalled with laughter and joy her three trips in recent years to Malawi, Kenya, India, and an attempted trip to Liberia where a volcano eruption ended their trip. In college she served an entire summer in New Guinea. Jeannie was generous and sacrificial with all her resources, a character leader everywhere. As we talked on our drives, she began to recall far more good things than bad, and humbly, more contributions than she had dreamed. She said she had embraced the life she had. On August 29 she took a little nap and woke up with Jesus. I can’t imagine the “well done” she heard. The tributes were many to a magnificent life of service. Jeannie taught me that life may not be what you dreamed, but if you embrace the life you have, you will find God will give you more than enough to have joy.
- Try it. Weep. Greive your losses. Then wash your face. Trust God, and embrace the life you have. See what God will do.